he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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