I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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