there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
