shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
