I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
