My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
