we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
