If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
