guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
