I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
