respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
