it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
