That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
