Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
