So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
pray to the hookup gods
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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