i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
