I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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