he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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