I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
