Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
