I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
