before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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