I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Two words: blizzard sex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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