it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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