You're completely useless in the revolution.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
