Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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