put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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