I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
