I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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