The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
