Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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