I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
