got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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