3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
