Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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