No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
