wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
