It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
