So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
