the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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