I heard we made out
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
