it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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