Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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