This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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