all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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