Just fell off a train. Bad.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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