Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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