You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
