I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
