I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
