Old men and throwing up are my life now.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
