dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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