the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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