Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
