Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
