Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
